If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments

How do you tell a printer that there is an entire stack of paper in it and that it is an idiot?

used to play sports. Then he realized you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything

If my left leg was christmas, and my right leg was easter, i would love for you to visit between the holidays.

i saw a guy driving a blacked out Mercedes with a huge racing sticker on the back window along with a license plate frame of “wmnizur”. tool of the year ? i think so!

is angry at Target for already having swimsuits and valentine’s day decorations

Do your worst holiday traffic

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success – US government motto

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Carrie Underwood is engaged…and its not to me!! this is the worst day ever!! haha

Im on the toilet pretending to be a fighter pilot dropping bombs in the ocean

R: i hope one explodes and sets u on fire

R: hey if that happened i wouldn’t be angry lol